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Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin

Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Tue May 10, 2011 6:06 pm Post
From the Diary of Viacheslav Titov


November 5th
The Polish peasant has finally revealed himself to be the buffoon he is. Seems to think Poland is some sort of superpower that can challenge Russia.
We should have annihilated those piddling little apes that blockaded our borders - and yet, Medvedev's actions appear to have worked... Impressive.
Now they will freeze, and poor little Poland will have the worst humanitarian crisis seen in Europe for quite some time - and it is all Mistal's fault! Hah! That will teach him!

November 6th
The 20th Army has been redeployed to Kalaningrad...?
Damn! Moving the army from Moscow, he threatened me - this is not acceptable! I cannot do anything do to stop it - Medvedev himself ordered this movement, its orders must be respected. Damn it to hell!
Last post


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Fri May 13, 2011 4:28 am Post
From the Diary of Dmitry Medvedev

Dmitry's To-Do List

Qbama
Sakaashvili
Aliyev
Babaev
Pyragy
Bhutto
Sechin
Putin
Lukashenko
Shavkat
Mistal


Iapetus (?)


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Fri May 13, 2011 8:10 pm Post
At the UNSC Conference...

*Medvedev looks up from a note he has been reading for some time. Looking determined, he beckons over the UN Ambassador*

Dmitry: Vitaly! Come here a moment...

* UN ambassador Churkin approaches*

Vitaly: Mr. President?

Dmitry: Vitaly, have you the time to return to Moscow with me?

Vitaly: Certainly, sir... May I ask why?

Dmitry: Well, the death of Mr. Lavrov has left me with a hole to fill... I am looking for a new Foreign Minister, you see.

Vitaly: Ah, I see. And Mr. Dugin...?

Dmitry: Will be stepping down, along with our dear friend the Prime Minister. In fact, I believe there will be a few ministries with spots to fill when I am finished...

Vitaly: This is welcome news, sir. I've been enjoying the freedom to do my job I have had since you left the Kremlin... I was not looking forward to reading from the Prime Minister's script again, if I may be so bold...

Dmitry: I wondered if he was doing that... At any rate, you shall return and accept the promotion, yes?

Vitaly: Yes, I would be delighted, Mr. President.

Dmitry: Excellent. Best start working to find a replacement for you, then...


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Wed May 18, 2011 10:56 pm Post
The Medvedev Tapes

*Recorded Conversation in the Prime Minister's Office*

Titov: ... Dmitry? Is that you?

Medvedev: Hello, Viacheslav. We need to have a talk, you and I... Let's talk about treason, shall we?

Titov: Treason? The only traitor here is you. You would continue to weaken us, when I have done so much to make us mighty once more.

Medvedev: You've killed two world leaders, frozen a number of Poles and Romanians to death, openly rebelled against my leadership and carried out the assassination and murder of a number of Russian officials and soldiers, not to mention my friends, and would have the gas embargo on Romania and Poland continue despite Romania caving to our demands and Mistal being forced into retirement. Not to mention carrying out the invasion of both Kazakhstan and Belarus... You call this progress?

Titov: The end result is all that matters. We have reasserted our control and the rest of Europe knows it.

Medvedev: You're insane.

Titov: No, I am a patriot.

Medvedev: Well, either way, I have two friends to avenge here today, plus the men who died fighting you in Moscow... Anatoliy?

*A minute or so of silence ensues*

Titov: ... You will regret this, you foolish boy.

*A gunshot is heard.*


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:49 am Post
From the Diary of Dmitry Medvedev

May 9th

Lately it has become more and more apparent that much of what I wished to accomplish three years ago will never bear into fruition.

Yes, the Chechnya affair was the main problem for a long time, yet now... Well, despite all that has happened, I cannot shake the feeling that some Westerners still wish to view me, and Russia, as well, as some sort of arch-fiend, despite everything I have been trying to do to curb the... Fanaticism... That has gripped us of late.

I have also been thinking more and more about my conversations with my friends in Europe... I cannot help but wonder if there is really merit to the idea of strengthening the state as I have been. I look out onto Russia and I call it safe, yet, really, how safe is the nation where people are constantly afraid of everyone, including the police that are supposed to safeguard them?

Perhaps it is the air and ideals of Italy and Western Europe that are getting to me. Yet, I cannot help but think that perhaps some change is in order... Of course, with Putin and Sechin out of the way, I may be able to do something right for a change.

It is somewhat perverse, I find, that of all the people that could have rid us of Putin, it was Titov.


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:50 pm Post
3rd June, 2013

Vitaly reports that Pak-Ui Chan, the foreign minister of the DPRK, has been recalled... I have had many words with him, he is a fine fellow. I have been in touch with Jong-il's son, Jong-Un... He had mentioned a fear of a certain Kim Kyong Hui. Mikhail has given me the KGB's file on her... A rather disturbing sort.

Mikhail believes that it may have been Kyong-Hui's hardliners that ordered the attack on Yeonpeong that occurred not four days ago. Tensions have reached new levels over this. I fear that worse is to come.

Japan is in ruins, and Powell is embattled at home and may prove distracted. This may be the dawn of a renewed Korean War.
I must not allow this to happen. With nuclear weapons in play, there is far, far too much at stake. Everything from Vladivostok north could be exposed to the fallout.

No, I will not let this happen. I have a meeting with Anatoliy and Mikhail soon - we shall see what can be done.


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:52 pm Post
6th June, 2013

Have received word from Xinping. An operation he is calling Blazing Sun. I have told him Vladivostok's naval bases are open to his troops... And Anatoliy has been instructed to put the entire Pacific Fleet on Korea's maritime borders.

So help me, we will fix this mess.


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:53 pm Post
7th June, 2013

...An email from Kim Jong-Un...

...I believe we still have a Spetsnaz battalion or seven hanging about Vladivostok... We haven't put on a good rescue mission in a while, this should be fun...


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:00 pm Post
The Medvedev Tapes

Cabinet Meeting in the Arbat
July 5th 2013
Present: President Medvedev, PM Miller, Gen. Makarov, Mssrs. Churkin, Serdyukov, Fradkov.

Medvedev: Gentlemen... To Sergei and Alex's memories.

*A clink of glasses is heard*

Medvedev: Also, a warm welcome back to General Makarov. I am pleased to announce that the General has recovered from the wounds he sustained during the nationalists coup... General, it is a relief to have you back.

Makarov: Mr. President, I am honoured to return.

Medvedev: I know we haven't spoken much of things since the coup, gentlemen... Indeed, we haven't had the entire cabinet together since the attempt, for reasons which should be obvious, I hope... At any rate, we have much to celebrate tonight. Iapetus' plane was shot down in Ukrainian airspace, he is dead. To Russia's victory!

Serdyukov: We can now, I hope, begin discussing the state of the armed forces, Mr. President. The war has revealed a rather significant deficiency in the size of the infantry corps... I know we had hoped to downsize that and even scale back conscription, but it seems prudent to refrain from doing so quite yet. Powell, after all, is still lurking about.

Medvedev: Yes... Tragic, really. Can we afford to expand the army and still carry through on our Industrial Reform Act, Alexei?

Miller: Yes, Dmitry. We may need to carry out an expansion or reform, or both, over the next few years, but even with the loans to France and Greece we should be able to carry out everything we desire. Russia's debts are still low, and with the fighting the price of oil is only going to escalate. I would suggest pushing the reforms of industry through as quickly as possible, however, before oil consumption in Europe begins to drop due to electrical cars...

Medvedev: Yes, indeed. Now, to the occupation... Mikhail, what are things looking like in Moldova?

Fradkov: Good, Mr. President. General Dominic of Moldova has a number of fond memories of the Union, we believe that he will co-operate well with Moscow.

Medvedev: Splendid. Have we worked out how exactly he will be running things?

Fradkov: Ah... We believe that Mr. Voronin plans to... Resign. He will step aside for the General in exchange for a nice villa, we are looking into buying some property near Palermo... Quite nice, actually...

Medvedev: Good. Vitaly, what about the situation in Cyprus?

Churkin: Well, Mr. Medvedev, it's confirmed that the Romanian evacuation of Cyprus has begun. The Greeks are quite pleased by this development.

Medvedev: They will carry through on things, then?

Churkin: I believe that they will stick their oar in where Cyprus is concerned, yes...

Medvedev: Excellent. That should take care of Turkey then. Now, what of Carpathia?

Churkin: Yegevny has informed me that Carpathia has been demanding political asylum in New York, sir.

Medvedev: Blast. Any chance of getting him out?

Fradkov: New York is a large city... He could disappear...

Churkin: нет. Carpathia is protected by several conventions on ambassadors. His disappearance would not be welcomed.

Fradkov: These conventions hinder us from solving what could be a very big headache.

Churkin: They must be respected.

Medvedev: Another way will be found, gentlemen... Alexei, the latest news reports on the strikes at Nestle are disturbing. Get in touch with the companies and reach an agreement.

Fradkov: I shall plug the leaks in the finance Ministry as well...

Medvedev: Ah.... Do so. Alexei, I want the reforms to our industry carried out post haste. Find out the cause of the delays and eliminate them... No, not that kind of eliminate, Mikhail, put your phone away... Anatoliy, carry out the expansion of the infantry corps. I think that takes care of all of our business, gentlemen, we are adjourned...


Re: Behind the Iron Curtain: Tales from the Kremlin


Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:34 pm Post
The Medvedev Tapes

Cabinet Meeting in the Kremlin
July 8th, 2013
Present: President Medvedev, PM Miller, Mssrs. Churkin, Serdyukov, Fradkov

*The sound of faint chanting is heard outside - there is some sort of rally happening*

Medvedev: What I want to know is simple. Why is it that Moscow City Hall and St. Petersburg both allowed the nationalist rallies? Fradkov, Miller, why is this?

Miller: We are uncertain at this time, sir, but we believe that the mayors may have been frightened of challenging the nationalists... It's not like they're afraid of killing people any more, after all...

Medvedev: Zhirinovsky is having a field day with this. The Liberal Democrats were actually at the Moscow rally. This has never happened before. What do we plan on doing about it?

Miller: The Party plans on introducing a motion to condemn their presence, Mr. Medvedev, at your command, we shall carry through with it...

Medvedev: And what of St. Petersburg?

Fradkov: The Winter Palace area has been... Quarantined. The nationalists had gathered there. OMON commanders have reported to my department that the rioters were finally subdued about an hour ago.

Medvedev: Does anyone know what they wanted?

Fradkov: *clears his throat* ...One of the demands was the release of Mr. Titov...

*A long silence*

Medvedev: ... Well, we all know that that isn't happening. Gentlemen, we have a serious problem here. A worse one, really, as the international media is spotlighting the problem... I was hoping we could keep this quiet...

Miller: You can't be thinking about giving in to the nationalists, Dmitry, can you?

Medvedev: I will never capitulate. However, if we want stability in the long term, we may need to compromise with them.

Serdyukov: Russian National Unity does have a large paramilitary wing. These men are already employed by some officials in some areas to assist with policing towns and regions - we could make it easier to work with Fradkov's Internal Troops...

Fradkov: Fodder. Excellent.

Churkin: Doesn't this raise all sorts of legal implications?

Medvedev: *chuckles* We are the law. But, to answer your question, Vitaly, no. RNU, to my knowledge, is not known for it's violations of Russian law, though they are a scary bunch... Mikhail, am I correct?

Fradkov: да.

Medvedev: Well, then that's settled... What of Dugin?

Churkin: Oh dear...

Medvedev: He was behind both Yevgeny and Putin's presidencies... Allying with him could solidify our reputation in the Arbat, Dugin is quite popular there...

Churkin: Dmitry, I am with you, but I must warn you that officially allowing Dugin within ten miles of the Kremlin will be very unpopular around the world.

Medvedev: The world? Tell me, where was the world when we warned them repeatedly about the dangers of Romania? Where were they when we reacted to the Polish? What has come of Amerika's promise to hand over Qbama to the ICC?
I am done with the world. I am tired of talking and talking and talking and getting no one to listen to what we have to say. Russia charts her own path now. Amerika is finished, as is NATO. We will do what we think is best for us. We will not abandon diplomacy, of course, but I am done with waiting patiently for someone to pay attention when we are talking. Russia will win respect from the West one way or another. For now, they seem to have chosen the other. Very well, worse for them.
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